Heather's Adventures in Lesotho

A few weeks ago I was chatting on the phone Skype with my sister and mentioned how it feels like all of my friends are leaving Lesotho. It is a given that as an expat your social circle will change continuously. I don’t know for sure, but I have a theory that the cycle is more pronounced in Lesotho because fewer people extend their contracts beyond the initial 2-3 years. Especially in the young expat crowd. I have known lots and lots of people who have left in my 2+ years here. In fact, my very first social outing was a going away party for somebody. What I told Allison – and have told other people since – is that this time the loss of friends feels a lot more personal. This time it’s my colleagues who I can make lunch plans with at the last minute, the first person I met outside of my office, my dog walking and SOC-playing friends and most of the few remaining friends who have been here longer than I have. They are ALL leaving.

That said, the more logical part of me knows that I still have a lot of friends who will be here after June. A few weekends ago I made the mistake of going on my “All my friends are leaving” rant and the friend I was with said, “Hey, *I’m* going to be here.” Oops. That was when it really clicked for me that I should stop saying that all my friends are leaving and instead start making plans for how to strengthen the friendships with the people who will be here.

Which brings me back to the first part of the title of this post – a review of the book “MWF Seeking BFF: My Yearlong Search for a New Best Friend” by Rachel Bertsche. When I had this original discussion with Allison a few weeks ago she mentioned the book and we decided to read it together. It’s one of those “Julie and Julia” style books where the author does some big adventure for one year. In this case the author went on a girlfriend date with 52 different women – one per week – after she realized she didn’t have friends in Chicago where she moved to be with her fiancée and then husband (thus the name MWF). A few things that I took away from the book:

• The idea that women will happily announce they need a man but are embarrassed to admit they need a friend. Man that is just so true and it really shouldn’t be.
• In the same vein the author writes:

At the beginning, when people asked if my potential BFFs think I’m strange, I’d say, “I don’t know. I hope not.” But with twenty-six under my belt, I’m quite confident in my new response. “No, they really don’t,” I tell her. “I thought they would. I was nervous everyone would think I was either really pathetic or really annoying, but so far they’re mostly flattered. People want friends, they’re just embarrassed to ask for them.”

I have a friend here who randomly reaches out to ask me out to lunch and I love it. I need to do this more even if it means planning lunches a week ahead of time and especially with new people.

• A piece of research that the author mentions says that “most people would opt for an office bestie over a 10 percent raise. And the lucky employees who do have a best friend at work are seven times more likely to be engaged in their jobs.” I totally get that. It is so nice to have people who understand what’s going on in the office – that you can gripe to – and that you can hang out with and have fun. Per the point above I need to make it a point to engage new co-workers as friends. 🙂
• Things I am going to do as a result of reading this book:

1. Invite people over to my house more often.
2. Start asking new people, and people I want to get to know better, out to lunch.
3. Pay special attention to keeping the social activities up in the winter. I think it is ironic that things die down socially in the winter when, really, that is the time of year that we should be hunkering down at people’s houses to stay warm and have dinner/movie/Dance Central nights, etc.

Overall I gave the book 3 out of 5 stars (equivalent of “Liked It”). I thought the author did a great job mixing in bits of research about the benefits of friendship and the myriad of ways she went about looking for friends kept the story interesting. By the end she wondered if she was just going through the motions to hit her goal of 52 friends, and I had the exact same thought. There was a lot more skimming towards the end of the book. I am subscribing to the RSS feed for her blog, though, to get continuous inspiration on friend-finding.

P.S. As I was trying to think of a good pictures to accompany this post I remembered this oldie but goodie – three ladies who have all left me behind in Lesotho at the World Cup 2 years ago.